Joy...

I can honestly say that I don't live with a lot of joy in my life.  Certainly there are joyful moments, but do I feel the lasting contentment that comes with joy?  No.  I do not.  Instead, I'd say that in my head, I'm always looking for what's wrong, and how to improve upon it.  For years, I've said, "What's wrong with that?"  I find problems.  There is a need for people who do that.  I find problems and I solve them.  It's a commodity.  But like every weakness, this is an overflow of a strength.... and it robs me of joy.  Nice to know. 

Then today I read this fabulous quote:  "Joy is a deeply-rooted confidence that God is in control.” - TRUSTING GOD (Jaynes, Smith, Southerland), and I was reminded that everytime I find problems and stress out about them, and think about what I need to DO, DO, DO  --  that I'm not resting in the fact that God is in control.  He gave me the skills and aptitude to solve whatever life throws at me!  I have nothing to worry about.  And that when I really trust in God, that nothing will be a problem-- and all there is room for is joy. 

Just the thought is comforting.  Just the thought that I can have confidence in God to run it is joyful.  I don't know why I've been trying to run it.  Who do I think I am?  Compared to God?  Less than a speck on a flea.  And yet, he trusts me enough to give me skills to run things, and to handle it.  So why don't I rest in him? 

Horray for a Paradym Shift!  Joy is a deeply-rooted confidence that God is in control!  :)

He's growing up so fast!

My son is now about 15 months old, and overnight it seems like he get's it.

Two days ago, my mom was talking to Gregory about his bath tub experience and she said the whole story to him, and then said, "Tell me Gregory!"  After an exaggerated deep breath, he said to her, "It's true." 

Tonight, I said to Gregory, "Would you like a smoothie?" 
"Mooie?"
"Yes, a smoothie.  You'll have to sit here in the high chair while I make it."
After two-three minutes he asked, "Is it all done yet?" (It sounded like that too.)

He's so helpful too.  Tonight he helped me put away his toys, his cheerios when he spilled them, and also helped me pick up all the hangers.  :) 

When it was time to put pajamas on, I said, "Gregory, it's time to put on your pajamas." and he came running.  When I was done, he gave me a hug and said, "all done." 
Then I say, "Gregory, it's time to brush your teeth."  And he runs to the bathroom, and knocks on the door.

I'm trying to remember to treasure every moment, because it goes so fast, and soon he'll be grown up. 

Cutting the fat

I've learned many things through the process of nursing my son.  One of the lessons that I learned while pumping was this:  every drop counts.  Every drop of breastmilk works with other drops of breastmilk to make a meal.  So there were days when I'd see drops, and I learned about economics through milk.  I never understood the quote, "A penny saved is a penny earned."  Because to me, it seemed like I had one wasted penny-- and why did ONE penny really matter.  But now I really know.  One penny, put with other pennies makes many pennies, which makes the money of my life.  And if I waste one penny, I'm wasting other pennies and that affects my goals and dreams, because there are less pennies to work with. 

My husband and I have always spent WAY too much money on groceries.  It's food after all, and I need to eat right?  So it's okay to overspend on the budget because it's food.  Wrong.  Although, I did operate for 10 years with this ideology.  And got fat doing it!  I'm now operating under the premise that every penny counts.  Even at the grocery store... and really this is the first time.  Most of my friends know that I've been into couponing, and I've gotten some really great deals!  But I've never made myself stay within budget, and even in couponing, I've wasted pennies. 

TIME TO CUT THE FAT!!

Well no more!  We resolved to stick to a number at the grocery store, and it's significantly less than what we used to work with.  We've cut out things that we used to do slowly.  For example, we used to eat out often, but with a toddler, that's really impossible.  So we cut that out.  Then last weekend, I planted a garden of beans and peas, and basil.  Obviously I could do more, but I'm operating with baby steps.  Next, I'm learning-- so is my hubby-- to cook with what we have instead of using recipes.  Recipes are just springboards for changing them to meet the ingredients we have at home. 

USING BEANS

Next, I'm learning to cook new recipes or use things I haven't used before.... like beans.  I've always used canned beans.  Now it's time to start using dried beans.  Yesterday, Greg soaked them for me, and then I made them the quick cooking method.  We'll now see how they work added to all sorts of meals this week.  I'm really excited to see what we come up with.

A state of Joy

I've been wondering for years when I would feel joy.  I'm not talking just happiness, but the pure bliss that comes from unadulturated joy.  I feel snippets of this joy at various times in my life.  When I think back to the moments in my life where I have felt pure joy, it has always been fleeting, and almost--with the exception of the birth of my son, and the day I married Greg--always related to nature.  Like the time that I was on a bike ride with Greg and I got stuck out in the POURING rain.  Or the times that I sat on the beach at Warren Dunes, MI, soaking in the sunshine and running down the big sand dune.  Almost all of the joy that I have felt in my life is when I feel small and I feel the great bigness of God-- and how I am as tiny-- or tinier--as a grain of sand. 

Dictionary.com defines joy as:

"1.the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation: She felt the joy of seeing her son's success.

2.a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated: Her prose style is a pure joy.

3.the expression or display of glad feeling; festive gaiety.

4.a state of happiness or felicity."

 

I often think that I would like to feel joy constantly.  But looking at the above definition, it would be nearly impossible to constantly feel joy.  And yet, that is what Christians are called to.  It is one of the fruits of the Spirit.  When our eyes are not focused on ourselves--because we can't possibly create joy within ourselves-- none of us are that exceptionally good or satisfying, nor can we be the cause of keen pleasure or delight constantly, nor will we always feel glad, or festive gaiety.  However, when we focus on Christ, and what he has done for us, it is possible to be joyous.  Which makes me think that if I want more joy in my life, I'd better start thinking about my Creator more often!